Just some thoughts on ghosting, life lessons, acceptance and the Alex Day situation.
In case you want to know what’s going on….
Yes people make mistakes and yes we should give second chances. BUT there are some things that are completely unforgivable and if you are a victim of abuse by someone then YES you have the right to leave them, offer no sympathy, feel completely good about doing it and never ever have them in your life again without a single glance back. That is your choice.
And that is how it goes. People need to accept consequences of their actions and how they affect others.
The thing is, ghosting only hurts because the person who is ‘ghosted’ doesn't understand the reason behind being it.
Making a choice to no longer have someone who cheated, abused, manipulated you in your life and deciding to not have contact with them anymore is NOT ghosting.
Tricking people by using a trendy new word that catches the eye of the tweet reader, does not mean the definition of the word changes.
In situations like this there would be a lot less pain and feeling of ‘emotional cruelty’ if people faced, understood, AND accepted the reasons another has chosen to cut them from their life.
As all people on earth should be aiming to do if it is possible, Alex Day should be aiming to live a life away from people who cause him pain, away from places that remind him of bad times and move on from situations and communities that only see him for the mistakes he has made. There isn’t a lot of evidence he is doing those things.
Those who believe Emma Blackery was out of line; 👏🏼 Just Because You Have Apologised Doesn’t Mean It Has Been Accepted And You Forgiven.
Thank everyone of your friends who is caring, willing and brave enough to stand up and fight to protect you, to call out injustice or unkindness. Emma Blackery had every right to speak about this as it affected her. That’s the thing about these situations. It’s not a clean breakup between two people. It affects the whole community.
There is no evidence for people behaving without a cause or reason to just for the lols through hate around at Alex. They are hurt by what has happened and are allowed to be for as long as they want.
Another thing that we as humans, living with other humans need to be at peace with. Sometimes you can say ‘sorry’ hundreds of times and it is just too late. People will not want to accept it. And you need to move on and respect their reasons.
Emma has used her voice to stand up for something that she found hurtful and offensive to herself and Carrie. Carrie has always been a victim of this situation and has the right to be offended by a false accusation of ghosting, when she made a choice (a very good one) to leave that offender out of her life. Emma did good.
ON THE YOUTUBE COMMUNITY:
The thing I think everyone seems to have forgotten slightly is YouTube is a business. ‘YouTubers’ are brands in a sense. They choose who they want to do ads with, what genre they want to be viewed as, who and what they associate with and will protect their brand when people or companies attempt to taint them.
There are many reasons to why someone could be not associating with another person. Many will purely be doing this because they were hurt directly but others may be doing this because it is a good idea for their careers and brands.
To those in the YouTube community blocking out or ‘ghosting’ someone who has been allegedly harassing/sexually assaulting fans and has cheated on a fellow YouTuber… makes sense from a business point of view.
Also to be a Vlogger/YouTuber can mean in the lives of many that you cannot (for lots of reasons) truly separate private from professional and therefore being a friend with someone off camera. And frankly even if any of the YouTubers who ‘cut Alex off’ decided to still remain friends with him off camera, I feel as the person who he still is, sharing things on twitter, YouTube etc. as he still is, would he feel the need to show to others online that they are still friends, by sharing a photo of them when they are hanging out together off camera?
Is it about confirming it online or feeling satisfied internally with those friends?
Things like this are not ever going to be taken lightly and easily forgotten in the YouTube community and it is very silly to think otherwise.
Sometimes doing nothing is kind.
With a scandal like this being dropped and blocked out from a friendship group may be a good thing for all parties on healing, as well as continuing your careers.
It is time to put this in the past; by that I do not mean forget about it completely and forgive him. I mean stop trying to get a happy, “everyone is friends again and we accept it was just a mistake of the past” kind of resolution.
For the sake of his own mental health, as he feels still a victim of ‘emotional cruelty’, perhaps it’s time to start looking at dealing with it in a new light.
The online hate can never help. I’m just pointing out that maybe if there is this struggle with being constantly reminded of it, it does no good to dwell on it and ‘stir the pot’.
Alex tweeted this and I think it rings true. Yeah, they won’t ‘care about it’, they will forget him and go back to what they were doing before, not having him in their lives and living as happy, wonderful and successful people. What happened in the past will always be painful and always mean something and will not leave them and that is a heavy weight to hold knowing he has brought that onto people, but it’s not up to him to therapeutically massage those bad memories and pain away. They will deal on their own and he should let them.
Why cause anyone more pain and bring it up anymore then?
Cutting off a person or from a situation can alleviate the pain allowing enough time to heal. Like running away to get some air and clear your mind to deal with it better when you return. And the choice when returning can be to - not return. To not continue to be in that situation with that person.
Perhaps the thing to realise is that this may never be healed and if Alex is so hurt, why not ghost them back. Cut the pain out of his life and stop trying to rekindle and reconnect with something far too gone.
If you want to talk about this with someone please call Kids Helpline on 1800 55 1800.