TALKWARD: Being Pressured To Have Sex

My first boyfriend wants to have sex, but I’m not ready. I’m worried if I keep saying no, he’ll break up with me. What should I do?
- Anonymous

If you’re not ready, then that’s where the story ends. Don’t have sex with him. 

Sex shouldn’t be a make or break in a relationship. Sure, it can be an important part, but you can still have a solid relationship without it. Good communication and a respect for each other’s boundaries is what makes a relationship strong, not sex. So, if you’ve communicated to him that you’re not ready and he’s accepted that, then you shouldn’t have anything to worry about. If it does bother him and it becomes a source of tension in your relationship, then guess what: that’s his problem. If he breaks up with you or cheats on you, then he’s a dick head. Simple. And as cliché as it sounds, you’re better off without him.

If you haven’t communicated to him that you’re not ready for sex, then confidence is key when you deliver it. Try not to appear sad or guilty when you tell him “I don’t want to have sex, boo hoo.” And don’t apologise either. Be assertive and tell it to him blank: “I’m not ready.” How he handles it is not your problem.

It’s probably worth noting that when he says he wants to have sex, he could just be sexually frustrated. If so, news flash: there’s plenty of other ways to take care of that situation without having penetrative sex. If all he’s looking for is a ~release~ and you feel like you’d be open to other forms of physical intimacy, maybe that’s something you could explore – IF you’re ready. Otherwise, he can take care of himself (if you know what I’m sayin’…)

That’s our two cents worth. For everyone else reading, what do you reckon? What’s your advice in this situation? Have you been in this situation yourself? Let us know your thoughts!


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